The Groucho Club

Club Rules

Upon arrival at the Club, Members shall approach the Reception Desk to SIGN and PRINT their names in the Signing-In Book, this Ancient Ceremony being a necessary preliminary to entry into all Club Rooms.

The use within the Club of Mobile, Cellular, Portable or Microwave-controlled Telecommunication Instruments is an anathema, a curse, a horror, a dread and a deep unpleasantness and shall be prohibited in all locations save the Reception Area. Please be alert to the acknowledged misery of Ring Tones and silence all such mechanisms before entry into Club Rooms.

The ingestion into the bloodstream of powders, pastilles, potions, herbs, compounds, pills, tablets, capsules, tonics, cordials, tinctures, inhalations or mixtures that have been scheduled by Her Majesty's Government to be Illegal Substances of whatever Class is firmly prohibited by Club Rules, whether they be internalised orally, rectally, intravenously, intranasally or by any means whatsoever. So let it be known. A member may invite into the club up to four (4) GUESTS at any one time, for whose behaviour and respect of these Rules the Member is responsible. Be it understood that a Guest will not be allowed into the bar unaccompanied by a Member. The wearing of String Vests is fully unacceptable and wholly proscribed by Club Rules. There is enough distress in the world already.

To step out into Dean Street owing money to the Club leaves a stain on a Member's character that cannot be pleasing to them. For this reason all bills and moneys owing to the Club shall be settled in full before a member shall leave the Club.

Upon settlement of aforesaid bills and levies, all Members are reminded that Soho is a neighbourhood containing many residents. Show dignity, consideration and kindness by leaving quietly and with as little brouhaha as may be contrived.

A Club is a Club. A place of sociability in which to relax and be affable and friendly. Respect the views of your fellow members and ensure that your Guests do the same. Let amiability and charm be your watchwords.